Went yday to dams psychiatry class. It was bloody awesome. Everything was good. When I came home mom was on the phone. Good thing too. The min she got off the phone..she started cleaning yet another part of that room. Rania’s table this time. So pissed she was at the end of it that as usual she started counting my demerits and what I’m not doing.
It was very hurtful. Especially when I said mom I’m doing so many other things and then she said meri maa hai ya meri saas hai poora time ulthe jawaba dete rehti poora mood kharaab kardi.
She was waiting to pick a bone dude. She started on that room at ten minutes to ten in the night. Just when I started dinner. To eat I mean.
Anyways there’s no point in joining a class when all I’m going to get out of it is mamma’s ultra nastiness bcuz she cannot understand how else to make me feel pathetic for my absence. There’s no point. It’ll be two days of classes and six days of relentless trying to please her and the sixth day of being horeibly thwarted by being made to feel inconsequential. There’s no graceful solution for it. And I’m not going to try anything now. It doesn’t make any sense to waste 50k when no one is going to support me to help utilitise them.
M just going to sit here and pray for a good death inshaAllah. It can’t be as good as niloudis ofcourse. But m still going to pray. There’s no way I can be tempted to get married when I’m not happy in my own house.